On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
