Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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