Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We don't watch enough power rangers
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
