God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
