Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize