You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
