You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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