So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
