I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize