I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
