I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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