If that was your dad, he is hot
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Sober January is a disaster.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
