I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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