Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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