dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
