You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
