probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
