Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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