Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
