you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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