ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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