Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
