normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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