According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
