It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
