It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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