I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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