u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We left the knife in your bed.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
A bitchslap is in order.
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