the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
