I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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