why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
