just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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