At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
