can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
