i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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