On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I see more hoeing in ur future
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