i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
