he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
