maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize