I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
