Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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