one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
handjob tips. give me some.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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