the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
it was like his penis was on wheels.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize