dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
