I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
