Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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