Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
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