her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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