Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
