nutella sex= disaster
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
