The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
