Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
