I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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