the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
