she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
