he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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