now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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