My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
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