so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Everything about him screamed your future.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
