Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Verdict: uncircumcised.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
