Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
