Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize