Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize