so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
