I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
