Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
