I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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