THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
