I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize