Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
