She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
