there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
