i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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