All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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