i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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