I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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