I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
