I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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