dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
