shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
