I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I want to have your abortion
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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