But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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