It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
