I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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