I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize