Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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