if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The struggles of a small town man whore
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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