I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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