if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
