C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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