singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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