Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize