No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
