I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
