Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
