i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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