An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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