hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
