His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
