He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
