My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
