i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
