1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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