Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
