You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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