I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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