I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize