It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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