We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
