Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
