taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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