is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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