went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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