Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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