I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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